Ah, the bicycle messenger. Bane to cabbie and security guard. Savior to architect, lawyer and anyone in urgent need of a sandwich. While you’re sitting in your warm cubicle, whining about insufficient foam in your latte, someone out there is risking his neck -- or her neck, natch -- through rain, sleet and inattentive drivers so that your closing documents arrive before deadline.

With 22 years having passed since “Quicksilver,” they don’t do it for the glory, and God knows they don’t do it for the money. They do it because they love being on a bike all day, and they love going fast.

One such cog in the downtown machine is Jeff Perkins, 24, a new member of 4 Star Courier, the messenger collective you may remember from its 2006 cover story in the Reader. He has a strong racing background, having run the 400m and 800m at DePaul, and has become a well-known -- and feared -- figure on the local alleycat scene. He’s 9th after two stages of the Tour da Chicago, and after an overnight drive to Minneapolis this weekend he won the prize for 1st out-of-town finisher in the Stupor Bowl, finishing 8th out of 360 registrants. Perkins spent 2007 with XXX Racing-AthletiCo, but now he’s looking to tackle sanctioned road, track and cyclocross racing with the Chicago Cuttin’ Crew, a team he helped found with fellow messengers.

This week I caught up with Perkins to discuss alleycats, messengering during winter and a certain set of leopard prints. (Note: CBR’s official stance on alleycats is that they are illegal, dangerous and irresponsible. Also, that they are extremely fun and fascinating.)

What’s scarier: Running red lights during an alleycat or racing a Cat 4 criterium?
Crit. Hands down.

Alleycats are scary for sure, but cars will stop when you’re in a pack. (Thank you, cars.) Criteriums? I’m the worst when it comes to riding with people. I hate pedestrian and bike traffic the most, so I avoid them at all cost. When I’m surrounded by a bunch of squirrelly people who feel like wiping out is the end of the world, it stresses me out way more than necessary.

How do you compare the competition?
Alleycats can be so much more brutal. `When I’m surrounded by a bunch of squirrelly people who feel like wiping out is the end of the world, it stresses me out way more than necessary.’It’s just a case of go out and burn yourself up and hope you are the lucky one who navigates the best and doesn’t get caught at an unbeatable red. Competition wise, there’s always the camaraderie of making it through the course safely and having so many stories to tell. Sanctioned racing brings out a vendetta between people that isn’t nearly as prevalent in alleycats.

The Cuttin’ Crew is stacked in the Tour da Chicago but so far hasn’t come away with a win. What the hell?
This shit doesn’t come easy. I will say on my behalf I’m not thrilled with my performance this year. Don’t sleep on da Tour. It brings some heavy hitters. Last winter’s time trial runner-up, Nick Frey (Time Factory Development Team), was also last fall’s U23 time trial national champion.

Is it time to employ team tactics to beat guys like Nico West (XXX Racing-AthletiCo) and Ted Burger (Flatlandia)?
We’re not the best with tactics yet. Had we gotten those down we would have locked up the last stage but that’s why we’re out there working and riding together. Nico rode brilliantly last stage. He never lost track of Adam Clark (Cuttin’ Crew), his early competition, and I wish we could run tactics that well. Ted? Ted’s pregnant. You can’t bully a man that awesome.

Pregnant? Is that some messenger slang I’m too old to get?
Ted’s expecting a kid come September. He broke the news to Andrew Nordyke (Cuttin’ Crew) and everyone in the middle of the race on our way down Grand. It was awesome.

Why form the Cuttin’ Crew?
It was a goal starting as early as June 2006. I remember talking to Nico after the Velo-City Tour and he was flowing about how people should actually experience being on a team before they consider starting one.

In February of ‘07 I got word of the messenger posse being formed on XXX. It was perfect for a few reasons. One key thing being we wouldn’t have to give over half a week’s paycheck to join and race. It also got a buzz going in the city about racing and everyone started to consider racing.

With the posse we gained experience and interest. Within XXX, however, there was a chemistry issue. We have XXX to thank for our base, no doubt about it, but it wasn’t exactly hitting the spot. We felt like there was a time warp from what the old-school cats were saying about XXX and the team now. I traveled and met a few more founders, and the stories they told and experiences they had were something incredible. I understood and could see us having those.

Those opportunities are gone with XXX being the team that it is now. It’s too large and a stranger to us and its founders. This sparked that idea of branching off and starting something for the street circuit again. Once the idea was said aloud, it just spread like wildfire.

What’s something you’ve learned about running a team?
C.R.E.A.M.

Huh?
Cash Rules Everything Around Me. It’s a Wu-Tang reference. We’ve set goals of having the team pay for uniforms, licensing, registration and travel. The bar is high but we’ve had fantastic support so far.

Sponsors are a trip. We’ve had some people offer us discounts if we buy their random stuff, and they consider that a sponsorship! I saw it all like: “Wow, that’s some decent gear. Not at all necessary, but cool.” Everyone else was thinking: “Why the hell should we pay someone so we would have to advocate their product? We don’t even need that stuff!”

We needed money to get off the ground and luckily we’ve had fantastic support from friends and very cool, like-minded people to help get us started financially. We intend to make them feel good about it.

It is very nice that people show faith in us, and we couldn’t be happier representing them everywhere we go. With Marcus Moore of Yojimbo’s on board for all our services and planning needs, it doesn’t get any better than that.

And I should correct you: It certainly isn’t solely me running this thing. Everyone has a hand it and we are all learning the administrative steps.

Where do you see the team in 2018?
Maintaining the velodrome leftover from the Olympics!

Come on, Luke. You’re asking 24-year-old where he plans on being in 10 years? A 24-year-old messenger?!? My mother must have sent you.

You’re delivering to 555 W. Monroe, headquarters of Gatorade, and find yourself sharing an elevator with its executive vice president of marketing and product placement. What do you tell him about the team so that the Crew never wants for electrolytes ever again?
First of all, 555 Monroe doesn’t let us messengers into the building. We have to use the dock because it has a mail room, a.k.a. the latest popular way of making sure we don’t destroy their building or something, because we’re such a threat to society and all.

Anyway, I would thank his employer for curing hangovers and show off the sponsors on my jersey when I wear it for work. (Yes, I’m the jersey-at-work guy.)

How long have you been messengering?
I’m an industry rookie. I’m only going on year four. I will tell you: A year in Chicago goes far everywhere else given the low wages and lousy weather.

Tom Skilling is calling for 14 inches of snow tonight. What’s work going to be like tomorrow?
One thing that’s great about 4 Star is we all know we won’t call in to skip a day. Never for reasons like weather, anyway. It helps each of us get through the nasty stuff, and a sense of humor is always a must. Most streets will be plowed for necessary car traffic so I’m going to be running a blinky light all day, take it slower than usual and try to get noticed by insane drivers.

Another thing is to know appropriate hideout spots. Keeping feet dry is a myth. No matter what insane technology people think `You gotta commit to having wet and stinging toes. Once you realize there’s no way around that, things are a lot easier.’they’ve come up with, unless you have some full-on wetsuit with booties you gotta commit to having wet and stinging toes. Once you realize there’s no way around that, things are a lot easier.

Another thing is remind yourself it’s only 10 hours out of your day. When people would ask me how I handled bad weather I used to tell them it wasn’t that bad no matter how nasty it was. Eventually I realized that, yes, it actually is horrible, but I would say that to convince myself it is just a matter of dealing with it. Plus you get to brag about it.

Do you ride with brakes?
Aw, man, c’mon! Sex, business, politics and brakes -- all taboos.

OK, OK. I’m riding brakeless now because my beloved Bianchi is on its last stand. Most components are on that bike. I had to get rolling again, so I’ve had to resort to my backup.

It’s funny how that air of elitism returns so naturally when I don’t have a brake on my bike. Brakeless is fun and all but my Bianchi was the greatest set-up ever, and nothing stops you better than a fixed rear wheel and a front brake.

Bullhorns with a front brake attracts scoffs from the rookies until you carry two mail cartons on your handlebars and still stop in time for kids darting all over the place. I would tap the brake two or three times a day because it might keep me upright. It makes it so much easier and it always helps for when those city vehicles -- buses, cabs and especially cops -- stretch those yellow-to-red-to-blatantly-illegal-disregard-for-smaller-traffic “grace” periods at intersections.

Many coaches recommend two days of rest a week. What’s a messenger do on a “rest day”?
Aren’t people wondering why messengers never show up to races anymore? And now talk of rest days? I know it gets played out but there is truth to it: This shit is exhausting. In the winter? Forget about it. You go home and pass completely out by 10!

This year’s Tour [da Chicago] says it all with the addition of the “Messenger” category. It’s not easy getting back on the bike for another 10-hour stint every day. `It’s not easy getting back on the bike for another 10-hour stint every day.’Plus, very few of us own cars, so when we go somewhere on the weekend, guess how we get there.

Rest day? I wish. At least now I can dispatch one day a week. That’s a trip. Instead of being on my bike for a day I’m just thinking of what I would be doing on four or five other people’s bikes.

You’re starving in the Loop. You’ve got $5 and 10 minutes. Where do you eat?
Gotta hit up Gina while she’s working at the Reggie’s Pizza truck at the Madison entrance to 1 S. Wacker. She’s great for a hug, a $2.50 slice and the best company around.

It’s not good for my cred to eat at chains but I’ve been paying the rent for Potbelly.

Oh, and Billy Goat! Not the tourist one on Michigan but the Washington/Franklin or Wells/Van Buren ones. Three bucks gets you eggs, hash browns and toast. Good burger specials all week, too.

This joint called “AsiaGo Express” on the west side of Wells, just south of Lake, has a huge thing of fried rice for a little under $5. (Eat large Asian dishes in the middle of the day at your own risk.)

What bike shop treats messengers best?
Most every shop treats us well. It’s a side benefit to having a low-paying job. Mechanics and sales people respect us for being out there and loving our equipment and their help.

Of course Yojimbo’s first. Upgrade as close as second gets. Cycle Smithy, Irv’s, Kozy’s, Rapid Transit, Blackstone, ReCycle, Working Bikes -- all these places need props because they definitely look out for us.

My style-conscious readers want to know: Will you be rocking the leopard-print arm warmers again?
I love how everyone thinks those are arm warmers. I have the entire top and bottom to make it a complete disgrace to myself and the sport of cycling. Don’t you worry, honey, they’ll make a cameo.